When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
The flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2

I do love me some Jesus! God is so good!

Also, Felicity has the best auntie, ever. Auntie Sarah already got her a pony! Her name is Windy, and she's an adorable little pinto for an adorable little girl. Whee! =D

I can't wait for my beautiful sister in law to pop! She's around 12 weeks along, but I wish she were in her ninth month already so we could play with our babies together! I'm sure she wishes she were in ninth month as well, since her morning sickness is so bad she's on anti-nausea medications, wearing wrist bands, and still can barely eat (let alone keep anything down). If you're the praying sort, please add her to your prayer list (she's lost 12 pounds so far!). Ahh, but yes. Whether she has a boy or girl, I can't wait to see them both riding ponies (because of course her child will have a pony before he/she is born, I'm sure!) and chasing chickens and jumping with lambies together. Yayayayayay!

Also, I'm totally not ready for another baby, but sometimes when I look at Felicity my heart just fills with so much love that I kind of think I need another baby just so I can get some of this love out before I explode. But then I remind myself that adding another bundle of joy would not only make me much less lovely (can we say cranky, sleep deprived, and bankrupt from the cost of diapers?!), but of course I'd love the new baby just as much, and then I'd have twice the excess amount of love. I'd definitely explode.

Which reminds me, I'm not sure if I posted it here or not, but my brother David was talking about the new Blackberry Storm a month or so ago, and after he made a comment on how cool it sounded, Eric just replied, "Sounds messy."

I love my husband. He's so good at making me giggle. Incessantly. For hours on end.

And on that note, I'm off. I have to make his lunch for tomorrow, anyway. It's Friday, so he gets an extra cookie to celebrate! =D

God is Good! (All the Time!)

So, basically, this last weekend was the most difficult of my entire life. Felicity has officially entered the "painfully gassy baby" club. It's not quite colic, because it doesn't repeat at the same time every day, but she's having quite a few issues with straining and her upset tummy... To the point that she's crying in her sleep.

Let me tell you, there's nothing more damaging than hearing your baby cry in her sleep and not being able to do anything about it. Waking her up is WAY worse, because then she's fully aware of the pain and begins squawking (which of course results in more air swallowed, further compounding the whole gassy problem). So I sneak and rub her belly and work her legs, but it's just awful. (Oh, and yes, she's burping after meals and also taking Mylicon, and it's not anything I've been eating, both her pediatrician and I agree that her digestive system is just having issues with her larger intake of food.)

Yes. So, there was lots of crying. And I was stuck at home without a way to leave the house with her. And Eric was up in Renton learning to drive a motorcycle. It was rough.

Anyway, so the point is, the entire weekend, every time Felicity would begin crying again (which was pretty much whenever she wasn't nursing, because the sudden onset of gas was keeping her awake, so she was also overtired, which made her cranky) I would pray. I was praying to God for patience, because I obviously needed it. I also prayed for knowledge, so that I could help my baby girl with what was wrong (because at the time, I didn't really know, she was just crying a lot and I was trying to figure it out).

Yes. So. Then on Monday she was back to being the wonderful little only-squawks-when-there's-a-reason baby. She's still gassy and still whimpers when it gets bad, but she seems to be learning already how to deal with it, and I'm certainly better about it.

Anyway. So I had prayed, right? And then I remembered that asking God for patience isn't going to suddenly make me Job-like, and praying for knowledge won't make me a baby whisperer. God doesn't work that way. I've been praying for patience and knowledge since she was born, because obviously I want to be a good Mommy. Well, God doesn't just give out character traits, He gives us opportunities to develop them. This weekend, though trying, was excellent for me because it helped me to rely on God for help, and also made me realize, yet again, that God really is amazing. I can honestly say that I'm more patient with Felicity when she's fussing, and I (hopefully) won't freak out if she won't stop crying and I'm home alone and I haven't showered in two days and the house is a mess. It happens. And if she's crying and I can't figure out why, well, maybe she's just crying to unwind. Or for no reason. It's okay if I don't know, I don't need all of the answers. I just need to love her and take care of her as best I can.

Yes. So. I just realized the time. I'm exhausted, and going to bed.

Oh, and another thing - I'm also praying for a few friends, that they would be patient with their morning sickness. It's a whole other round of babies!

· What do I really believe?

I believe that if I live my life for God, that I will be blessed (even more than I already am!). I believe that if I submit fully to Him, that He will guide me in the perfect life, one of His planning, not mine. I believe that I am a long way off from getting to that point, but that it's more than worth the effort.

· Why am I doing what I'm doing?

I'm growing a baby, because Eric told me to stop taking birth control (and, you know, there's that whole expanding our family thing). =) Otherwise, it's more of what I'm NOT doing. I'm not working because my morning sickness was so bad I had to quit my part-time job (while I was looking for full-time work) as a waitress. Then I was too "pregnant" to get another job, which is sad because I wanted to work until the beginning of my 9th month to earn money for baby expenses. Basically, I'm doing the best I can to be the best wife and soon-to-be Mommy that I can be, because it's what brings joy to my husband, my family, and myself.

· What really has brought satisfaction to my life?

Being the best wife I can be. Knowing that at this very moment, I have a miracle inside of me growing and getting ready to teach Eric and I a million wonderful new things (in less than seven weeks!). Helping people through issues. Worshipping God.

· What creates pressure for me? And what does God want me to do about it?

Financial stress, guilt over pregancy-induced fatigue (and the resulting disaster area that is our home), silly worries about our baby, not being able to "control" everything. God wants me to put aside my worries and focus on Him, so that He can work in my life. Which is another struggle...

· How does my schedule reflect my ultimate values?

Well, currently, it just reflects that I love sleep. On a deeper level, I hope that eventually it will outwardly show a dedication to those I love, and to creating a family that loves and serves God.

· How will my present lifestyle affect my family in 20 years?

Well, I'll have a 20 year old daughter! Hopefully it will be the foundation for an intimate family with priorities in line with God's desires.

· What does God want me to do with my life, my family and my possessions?

Place them second to Him. ;) Seriously, I think that He wants me to seek and serve Him above all, and then to use His guidance to serve my family in the best way possible. Whether this is through being a stay-at-home Mommy and housewife, or by going back to work at a later date, well... We'll see. In the meantime, I'm still praying. As for possessions, I'm reminded every day that most are luxuries I can do without (although that doesn't mean I shouldn't take care of my belongings).

· How does the pace of your life allow time for reflection and thinking?

It allows for a lot... Perhaps too much. Which should change drastically in a little more than one month. I'm looking forward to it - I think right now I'm bogged down my thoughts more than I should be, and I miss being actually busy. Just so long as I still make time for God (rather than "find" time for Him), I think all will be well.

...

Oh, and photos coming soon - my computer is currently off while we re-arrange things. But I will be posting pregant photos! Eric and I are still really bad about taking them, but I've got a new one, and hopefully we'll take more this weekend.

Felicity has hiccups! She's just there in my tummy, and every few seconds I get a little rhythmic "bump".

I love it. I was kind of worried, because it's supposed to be a sign of fetal well-being, and I hadn't felt anything yet... But now I feel them all the time. Yay!

Also, somebody bought us the jumper we registered for on Babies 'R' Us, but we have no idea who because it came in the box without packaging or labels... Anybody on LJ, or who reads this journal? Let me know!

Sarah asked herself these questions in her journal. I think I'll do the same, and answer them next time (might also help me to blog more often)...

· What do I really believe?
· Why am I doing what I'm doing?
· What really has brought satisfaction to my life?
· What creates pressure for me? And what does God want me to do about it?
· How does my schedule reflect my ultimate values?
· How will my present lifestyle affect my family in 20 years?
· What does God want me to do with my life, my family and my possessions?
· How does the pace of your life allow time for reflection and thinking?

Eric and I need to buy insurance for his car, so that I can make it to my appointments and run errands. It's a stinky situation, because the car will only be driven MAYBE once every two weeks, but we'll have to sign up at least six months. What insurance company do YOU recommend?

Other than that, I just really need a pedicure.

Be warned: This post includes discussion on religion and politics. Whee!

Apparently, people were protesting the Pope. This doesn't really surprise me, though it does piss me off. See, these weren't atheists upset that the Pope was hanging out with our president. These were Protestants protesting one man, the Pope, and blaming him for all of the issues in Catholicism today.

I'm not Catholic, but that just seems silly to me. The Pope certainly isn't responsible for some priests who allowed themselves to be tempted by Satan into acts of lust and sin. Calling him the anti-Christ certainly isn't going to fix anything. The part that made me mad was this:

Ontario native Axel Poessy said Bush should arrest Benedict for child abuse, not welcome him to the White House. She said priests' vows of celibacy led them to prey on children.

"If you abstain from having sex, you're activating your body to want it more," Poessy said.

That's bull-dookie. The Catholic church has many problems, as any group with power. But unless the Pope himself was molesting children, it's not fair to arrest him for child abuse. Also, that bit about the vows of celibacy leading people to prey on children is, again, total cow crap. I certainly think that it's silly to abstain from having sex in a healthy relationship between a husband and wife. I also believe that religious figures should have the option of entering into marriage with a loved one because, hey, who better to provide a model of a God-centered, loving marriage than a pastor and his wife (and if you doubt me, come and meet Pastor Dan and his wife, Theresa).

But anyway. What's nonsense is the idea that vows of celibacy will lead priests to becoming pedophiles. Abstaining does not "activate the body to want it more". That's ridiculous. The priests who allowed themselves to be tempted by lust were simply weak in faith, morality, and judgement. Just as a non-Christian pedophile is weak in morality in judgement (and since he/she's a non-Christian, weak in faith as well, I guess).

I suppose another reason this news annoys me so much is because there isn't even a high majority of priests out there molesting children. Much as it is with just about any heinous crime, a few instances are blown up and people are taught that it's the norm. Which I'm sure my many Catholic friends will tell you, along with countless statistics, it isn't.

Another line that killed me was when some people said it was a fake religion, and that Catholics worship false idols, and that their worship of the Pope makes them lost. Perhaps there are a few religious zealots out there that do more than honor and respect the Pope as a religious authority who has spent countless years studying and preparing for the position... But on the whole, I think not. The Pope isn't worshipped, he's revered as a holy man.

Granted, that's not to say that I don't disagree with a lot in Catholicism. I don't like that they disallow communion with non-Catholics (I believe communion is there to bring Christians together with Christ, not separate us by denominations). I think that using a language that a majority of the congregation doesn't understand does nothing for the development of knowledge and faith (referring to sermons all in Latin, Greek, Aramaic, etc.). I think most of the rituals and all that standing up and sitting down and responding back and forth with specific phrases is a bit overdone. And I think that there should never be a need for somebody else to give me a penance - Jesus Christ saved me from myself and readily forgives me of my sins when I confess to Him. There's no need for a middle-man and there's certainly no need for me to pray a certain way a certain number of times to make up for my sin. I confess, I change my ways, I follow God's plan, I go to Heaven when I die. Simple.

BUT. As I was saying. Despite my disagreements with Catholicism on the whole, this attack on the Pope is just rude and misguided. It's like the idiots in Olympia who were protesting soldiers coming back from the war. I thought we learned something from Vietnam, folks? But no, they had to protest the actual soldiers, by yelling and screaming and throwing things and not allowing civilians in the area to get on with their business. Protesting the war I can understand (even if I disagree), but protesting soldiers is just stupid.

Hmmm, the war. Now there's a whole other issue I could rant about. My opinion? Basically, this: We either fight it over on Middle Eastern soil, or we fight it on United States soil. I have no doubt whatsoever that if the U.S. wasn't throwing it's weight around, we would be fighting terrorist attacks all over our country. Guerilla warfare at its best. That's not to say I don't believe our administration has made some (major) mistakes. But I believe that defending our country, even if that means pro-actively attacking another, is a top priority. It's not nice, it's not pretty, but it's true. As it's our government and our military's responsibility to protect us in the best way possible, I see nothing wrong with fighting a war on foreign soil to protect our homeland. Those who disagree, well, that's fine, you're entitled to your opinion. Just remember you're entitled to it because people were willing to fight a war.

Oh, and another thing - I wish people would stop complaining about the number of dead soldiers due to the war. I know lots of soldiers. I live by Ft. Lewis, the take-off point for just about every overseas military operation. My father was in the Army. My husband was in training to be a Marine. My brother in law IS a Marine. Many of my best friends are in the Army, the Air Force, or the Navy. Many of these same friends are currently overseas, or just returned, and many have been in the Middle East more than once. And every damn one of them chose that path for themselves. They knew the consequences of their actions when they signed up, and they made the decision to give up their lives if necessary to keep YOU safe. So yes, I feel badly that people are dying. But don't lessen their sacrifices by ranting about their deaths. You dishonor them and their choices when you do.

It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
Hebrews 10:31; 1 John 1:7

We are all given a choice: accept or deny Christ. There is no middle ground. Non-Christians wonder why we're so gung-ho about sharing the Gospel. Well (and this is hard to say), it's because we believe you're going to Hell.

That's right. Hell. Eternal damnation. Can you really contemplate eternity? I can't. When I think of Heaven and Hell, of the future when I'll be with my Lord and Savior, I always think of it in phases. "Oh, when I'm in Heaven it'll be great, I'll do this and this to serve God until..."

But there is no until. It's forever. And right now, it's vital that I do my best to share God's love with the world. Not through my actions, which are flawed and selfish. But through sharing the mercy in God's heart when He sent His son, Jesus. A plan formed before we had even sinned. God knows all, and yet somehow still manages to love us. It's so amazing, and I truly hope that if you have not opened your heart and mind to the possibility of truth in Christianity (or if you have, and walked away) that you would consider this an invitation. Email me. Let's talk. I'd love to share my faith with you. Not as a way to "improve your life" or "find happiness" or whatever (though I do believe that those who serve and love God are blessed). I just want you to know God's love, to understand that complacency and depression and immoral behavior have no benefits. And that if you're having problems, it's really nice to always know that somebody who loves you is available, and is working in your life this very moment for your salvation. God loves you now and forever, even if you don't believe in Him.

Christianity is not about being a good person. Sure, that's great. But it doesn't matter, because we all sin and we all fall short of God's glory. I mean, yeesh, He's GOD. That's why He sent Jesus Christ. One perfect being, who would live through our temptations and triumph over them, and conquer death. One who would suffer so that we could be forgiven. We are not good enough for God, because nobody is "good enough" for perfection. But if we accept the sacrifice of Jesus, if we can push aside our own will and submit to Him, then everything is open to us.

I may not know what God has planned for my life (who does, really?). But I do know that He has asked me to share His love with you. So I am. Question me, ridicule me, do your best to confuse me. I'll accept any challenges, so long as you accept mine to open your heart to the possibility of perfect love.

It's always funny when atheists unknowingly quote the Bible. I have a friend who, when describing herself in her "About Me" section on MySpace, states that she is "light in the dark corners of the world".

Funny, I thought that was Jesus. =)


In other news, I think I want to make pina coladas.

Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD; and the people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance.
Psalm 33:12

I'm so glad to be an American, and I just thought everybody should know. Yes, I believe in a separation of Church and State. But I also recognize, respect, and enjoy that our greatest leaders have been Christians.

Also, I think it's great that Jews have managed to persevere and endure for so many centuries, with their language and written records and histories and culture intact. No matter the obstacles, they survive. They're also incredibly talented, gifted, and blessed. Jews run half the world and most people don't even realize it... It's good to be God's people.

(I should also mention that just because I recognize Jews to be God's people does not mean I condone certain activities in the Middle East.)

There's a difference between theology and ideology.

Many people who hate Christians for being Christians say it's because we live by an effed-up ideology. That we're unable to understand others' ideologies.

I think that's false. It's rather conceited to say so, but I think I'm pretty gosh-darned open minded and learned about nearly every ideology and belief-system on this planet. I don't avoid learning about other religions, in fact, I love experiencing new cultures and faiths. It's fascinating. And many Christians I know are the same.

Also: I should point out that I don't learn about other religions to test out if they're better than Christianity, or to learn just enough to disprove them and show how Christianity is the best. I do it because I'm interested, and I enjoy learning more about other people.

... But yes, it is true that so far that I've seen/read/heard/experienced, Christianity is the only solid religion out there. As a Christian, I have answers to questions, I have love and peace and joy in a way that I don't believe is available in any other relgions. Of course, there are probably plenty of Hindus or Buddhists out there who could say the same, and the Muslims and Pagans next to them would nod assent.

I think it's much more than an "I'm right, you're wrong" mentality. I think that people need to get down to the theology, and really analyze their religions. How they came to be, where, when, why, how - and what they stand for. Find out what rings true. And THEN develop an ideology to match.

They don't necessarily go hand in hand. After all, atheists and agnostics usually claim no theology, but they're all over their ideologies, and how they are better than the Christian ideology (which is based in Christ's works, but as many atheists have said, you don't have to be a Christian to believe that Jesus was a good guy).

I'm also really frustrated with atheists who sprout off biblical verses as proof that God doesn't exist. That's just silly.

Just because I have the strength to have faith in God doesn't mean I'm stupid. If you're going to try to disprove His existence, you should probably stop using HIS Word to do so.

That's all. Have a lovely evening!

... Great balls of fire!

Sorry, had to do that. (Hm, that reminded me of you, Jule!)

Anyway. Life has been... well, not good, actually. But it's getting better. That whole being sick thing completely sapped my focus, motivation, and determination. I missed school, work, Core, fell behind in nearly everything, and was cranky and mean to people just trying their best to cheer me up.

I suck.

But like I said, it's getting better! I had a chat with God last night/this morning, and I feel refreshed. It's a new week for me. I have Relay for Life today (although I wish there were two of me so I could go on the Chi Alpha retreat). My kitty has gas and the hiccups, and it's quite possibly the cutest thing, EVER! I finally formatted my computer, and it now almost everything running on it is LEGIT! Yesterday there was a group of autistic folks cleaning up the Chipman Trail, and it was AWESOME! And I met my goal of $350 for the Relay for Life!

Yeah, cool, stuff.

Also, I have a different journal now for God-related musings. Not that I still won't mention Him here, as I talk about my life in this here "livejournal" and hey, He's the most important part of it! And it's not to spare those on here who don't wish to read about it, because as much as I dislike offending people, well, it *is* my journal, and I know all of my friends are intelligent enough to use filters if necessary... No, I decided to do some daily devotional stuff over in another journal because I think God deserves His own journal. =) It's cleaner, and simpler, and makes it easier for me to daily devotionals.

I'm a moderate person when it comes to politics, despite being personally conservative and generally liberal in my beliefs. I've learned to appreciate the beliefs of both sides of the spectrum.

But lately, a lot of liberals have been really (really) annoying.

I was just browsing around MySpace, and realized that almost every super-liberal person I know constantly complains about the cities and praises the wide open spaces of country. They hate city people (usually other liberals, only "snobbier"), they hate the traffic, the pollution, the general angsty rush-rush of mainstream society. In general, they hate themselves and hate their lives.

They claim to love the country, the fresh air, the open space, the beautiful smog-free sunsets and relaxed country folk who never forget to greet you on your way to the general store.

I wonder if they've ever taken the time to wonder about how the people with conservative beliefs, the ones with a good home education, are the ones they constantly bash when they complain about the agriculture and meat production industries, when they complain about Bush supporters, when they get all self-righteous about those resistant to change.

These liberal people love to take vacations driving through Montana, spending a week or two climbing rocks and appreciating the existence of a beautiful place.

But they never stop to thank God for creating that place (because, after, He doesn't exist to them), or to thank those awfulhorribleinsane conservatives for being old-fashioned enough to resist the herd moving into the cities and instead take care of the land and the people around them.

I just pray that everybody could know the beauty in the truth of God's love, and could learn to appreciate each other and the joy in life when we follow where He leads. That we can set set aside differences and marvel at His works.

That's all.

  The heavens declare the glory of God;
     And the firmament shows His handiwork.
 - Psalms 19:1

A few weeks ago I had a suspicion, and I thought and thought and thought, and after thinking long and hard, I think I'm right.

( cut for really long-winded religious talk )

I feel like a cheerleader. Rah-rah-sis-boom-bah, Yaaaaaaaay, GOD!

The crowd says do.

                     The cross says done.

Eric is playing with my feet. Normally this would kind of gross me out (because they're feet, ew), but since I know they're clean and fresh I don't mind.

Plus, he keeps mumbling, "toes!" every few minutes. He's playing "This Little Piggy" and having a blast wiggling them around.

I'm so spoiled. I have to remember to thank God daily for bringing him into my life... Even if he plays World of Warcraft untirely too often.

Today was a great day. I went to church and had a blast helping out with the follow-up ministry (we deliver cookies and books to first-time visitors) and greeting/parking. Plus, I saw some people from work and previous dance classes, and met a few new people. Sarah played the flute, and looked lovely up in front. I bet Josh had trouble focusing on God and not on her. =D

I've decided to join Northwest Collegiate Ministries as well. I need some Bible study and fellowship time in a smaller, more focused setting - And the group I wanted to join just so happens to meet on Wednesdays, my only free day of the week! Talk about blessed! God works in mysterious, beautiful, stress-reducing ways. =) I should also be able to attend Chi Alpha on Mondays, and En Fuego! on Tuesdays, both of which are fellowship and worship events with other university students. Which leaves Circle K for Thursdays and Latin dancing on Fridays, whee! This is shaping up to be a really terrific semester. I just have to keep praying for the motivation to succeed, and rise to the challenges that come my way.

I'm actually glad tomorrow's Monday. I have so much to do, and it feels so great.

... Ha! Sarah just called, and she'll be coming over to make banana bread. This is just such a GREAT day! =D

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm going back to the start.
- Coldplay, The Scientist

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I'm not really sure where I'm at spiritually, but I know that I'm closer to being closer with God than ever before, if that makes sense. I feel as if I'm right on the edge of something huge, the largest hurdle I'll ever come across. I'm ready to jump, just double checking my wings before I take flight.

Funny, though, because the skies are my real home, where I came from and where I'm meant to be.

...

In the first episode of Joan of Arcadia, Joan meets "God" and doesn't believe it's really Him. She tells him to show her a miracle. He points to a tree. She snarkily replies that it's just a tree, big deal. He challenges her to make one.

I miss watching that show. It was good stuff.

...

( cut for religious talk: blessings )